Ever feel like covering your head and sleeping for a very long time? That's where I've been. Not literally, but emotionally. I apologize for not posting sooner, however I could not. I've been praying and processing and the Lord has been helping me to get things in perspective. There are specifics that I know you would like to know that I just cannot share in this manner as Nevaeh's case has been moved to a high profile case and is very sensitive, but I can share that the judge has not made a final call. Suffice it to say that the adoption has been postponed and at this point, we do not know what way the judge will rule. I've cried so many tears that I am amazed to find that I still have more, yet something triggers a thought and I find them running down my cheeks again. I know God interprets those tears when there are simply no words to be spoken. We have been begging God for strength and the wisdom to know how to proceed. We were able to receive some type of reassurance today and we ask that you continue to pray. This is a very serious need and we feel that Nevaeh's life as all she has known is at stake. She stood in the agency office and recited her version of John 3:16. It was understood by everyone and I marveled at how she never hesitated which was not typical for her. She often hesitates to perform before those with whom she is not totally comfortable. She is now 19 Months old yet there is so much more that we want to teach her. The night of the court date we crawled in the van to go home after that special Rebecca made us supper, and Nevaeh went nuts! She was shrieking at her daddy to turn on her current favorite song. She began singing it in a very loud and boisterous voice.
"Roll away - Roll away - Doubts and fears and sadness - All roll away - Roll away - Everytime I call His name - When I'm sad - And all alone - And nothing can move this impossible stone - I just talk to Jesus and my burdens roll away. In this life there are struggles - We all have our share of trials and troubles - MmmHmm - And heartaches along the way - But there is joy and there is comfort in serving a God who's always triumphant - When I talk to Jesus all my burdens roll away. - Jesus knows my condition - He's always aware of the need before I ever mention - Oh yeah - The problems when I pray - But when I speak - He will listen - He longs to hear the cry of His children - When I talk to Jesus all my burdens roll away!"
You can't imagine what that did for us. It has been a rough couple of days but we are doing much better. My family is coming for Thanksgiving! In fact, some of them are here already. My little sister said that while everyone else has been asked via emails and word-of-mouth messages to pray for Judge Cunningham, she believes that is my family's job to be here for us. So as Aaron and Hur lifted and held the arms of Moses in the middle of a raging battle, they have come to raise up and hold the arms of Mark, Laura, Daryl & Robert. I have an awesome family. I know I've said it before but love is truly powerful. And I am so blessed to be a recipient of that kind of love.
As I struggled with the pain from the huge hand that was squeezing and wringing out my heart, this song came to me. I'll share it in it's entirety just in case you're struggling with something yourself and need to remember who you are and why you are.
I have made my choice forever: I will walk with Christ my Lord. Naught from Him my soul can sever While I'm trusting in His word. I the lonely way have taken, Rough and toilsome though it be; And although despised, forsaken, Jesus, I'll go thro' with Thee.
Tho' the garden lies before me, And the scornful judgement hall, Tho' the gloom of deepest midnight Settles round me like a pall, Darkness can affright me never; From Thy presence shadows flee. And if Thou wilt guide me ever, Jesus, I'll go thro' with Thee.
Tho' the earth may rock and tremble, Tho' the sun may hide its face, Tho' my foes be strong and ruthless, Still I dare to trust Thy grace. Tho' the cross my path o'er-shadow, Thou didst bear it once for me; And whate'er the pain or peril, Jesus, I'll go thro' with Thee.
When the conflict here is ended, And the weary journey done; When the last grim foe is conquered, And the final vict'ry won; When the pearly gates swing open, And an entrance full and free Shall be granted to the victors, Jesus, I'll go thro' with Thee.
God bless you all! Please know that our family, extended family, and church family, appreciates your prayers concerning our need. Nevaeh is an established member of our family, church and community and the decision of the judge weighs heavy on many. As we learn more, we will try to continue to update you.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!